


Hanahaki Unending

by Kurogabae (PokeChan)



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki Disease (freeform), M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, things are not happy, until they are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-10-26 17:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17750225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/pseuds/Kurogabae
Summary: Disease:a fictional disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim’s romantic feelings for their love also disappear.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally inspired by a post on tumblr [made by @mythicalheartbeat](https://mythicalheartbeat.tumblr.com/post/166624543463).
> 
> I've also decided to play a bit fast and loose with the actual idea of "Hanahaki" to create a possible happy ending. There are also a few alternate ending chapters that will be included here.

The first petal is hacked up in Yama, a tiny little white speck against the dark grit of war. It’s forgotten as quickly as it appears and Kurogane can almost believe he imagined it.

He doesn’t see another for months, not until their time in Piffle is nearly at an end. This time it’s three petals and they burst from him in a single, deep chested cough. The feeling of the cough doesn’t linger, but Kurogane catches one of the petals in his hand and as it sits in his palm he thinks it’s far too heavy for something so frail. 

The petals come in quicker succession in Tokyo, though their numbers remain low. The itch of the cough never remains, but the petals do. They’re no illusion and Kurogane thinks back to the fairytales of his home. He can’t remember the name or many of the details, but he does remember a story about a fool who coughed up flowers until he drowned in them. It doesn’t matter, though.

He has more important things to worry about than flowers.

Later, it seems as though every time Fai uses his name the number of flower petals grows. Once, Kurogane was sure he had coughed up a whole flower, only to have to crumble apart in his mouth. He has no trouble breathing, so he does nothing about it.  
He tries to recall the story. It takes him weeks.

It was one he learned during his service to Tomoyo, she had made him read it to her and he had hated the story, thought the man a fool with every word. The man had fallen in love with a woman well above his station. He did all he could to woo her, but to no avail. She had finer silks than he could hope to buy, more gold than he, and servants already waiting at her beck and call. He had nothing that she wanted. As he despaired he began to cough, and with each cough flower petals flew up from within him.

Day in and day out the man continued to court the woman in vain, and day by day the petals grew in number until he was choking on them. The man sought out a medicine woman and begged for an answer to his mysterious illness. He learned that his illness was due to the unrequited love in his heart. He had fallen in such deep and consuming love with the woman that her lack of affection for him was killing him. He asked for a cure, terrified of the idea of dying. 

There were only two cures. The first was for the woman to return the man’s affections, but he knew by now that his love was doomed to remain one sided. The second was for the flower blooming inside the man to be removed, however, this would also remove the love he felt for the woman, and perhaps even his ability to love all together.

In the end the man died, unwilling to give up the love in his heart. Kurogane had damned the fool and rolled his eyes at Tomoyo’s sighs of romantic idealization.

All of the adults in his life hadn’t be joking when they said love made fools of all people.

Now the trouble was deciding what to do next. 

If the story was to be believed there were two cures. Kurogane doubts Fai will fall in love with him in return, certainly not in time to stop the flower from flooding Kurogane’s lungs and growing roots in his heart. The only other option is to remove the flower, and as a result the love he feels for Fai as well. 

Not a full year ago he would have been disgusted with his own hesitance, but Kurogane, literally for the life of him, cannot bring himself to cast off his love for Fai. He’s not even concerned with knowing love again after that, because what would the point of loving be if he can’t love Fai? So, he does the only thing he can think to do.

He calls the witch.

“ _Hanahaki_ disease,” she says and the pity in her eyes is worse than what is happening to him. “I was hoping you would be able to avoid this.”

Kurogane glowers up at her. “What do you mean?”

He can tell the answer is going to be useless pandering about fate or whatever, but he’s gotten solid information out of her before, so he figures that he may as well test his luck. “You and Fai,” she says sadly. “The pair of you were destined to either love one another or hate each other, both to the ends of each and every world.”

Ice falls into Kurogane’s veins as he registers what she is telling him. It can’t be true. “I was hoping that, if you both didn’t fall in love, that at least your hate would be mutual.”

Mokona whines softly in his lap and squeezes his finger tighter, but he can hardly feel it as his body slowly numbs from the shock. He and Fai could be lovers, could have a love that transcended worlds, but something had gone wrong.

“I can remove the flower,” Yuuko continues, “but it will remove the love you have for Fai, and I cannot promise it won’t remove all the love in your heart.”

“Kurogane no!” Mokona cries, but he hushes her with a gentle pat. His mind, he realizes, was made up before he had even spoken to the witch.

He doesn’t even ask the price.

–

Infinity is cold and Kurogane feels hollowed out. He fights for the princess and forces Fai to live. He keeps the new Syaoran looking forward and keeps Mokona close. 

He ignores the scraping of every cough and pockets the petals. 

All of them notice now, but none of them seem to know what is going on, at least not at first. Sakura’s face becomes unimaginably sadder one day and he suspects she’s had a conversation with the witch. Syaoran knows it’s dangerous and tries endlessly to convince Kurogane to seek help, but Kurogane’s mind is made up.

Fai is sitting on Kurogane’s bed one night holding a single, snowy petal between two long fingers when he excuses himself for the night. Kurogane closes the door behind him with an echoing click, raising an eyebrow questioningly at Fai. Fai doesn’t approach him anymore, Fai avoids him. Fai hates him.

As the thought crosses his mind Kurogane coughs violently, flowers and loose petals pouring from his mouth and falling at his feet. If Fai didn’t know what was going on before he certainly did now. Kurogane doesn’t bother to pick them up.  
“What’s wrong with you?” he demands. “There’s no curse, no spell.”

He doesn’t know why, but Fai’s concern only pisses him off. “What does it matter to you?” he snaps, straightening himself up and moving across the unlit room. He goes about his usual nightly routine in the dark. He doesn’t need the lamplight to see what he’s doing, and he doesn’t need to look at Fai to know his eye is golden and boring a hole in the back of Kurogane’s skull. He folds his shirt with exaggerated and purposeful movements.

“Considering the fact that my life is directly tied to yours, quite a hell of a lot,” Fai answers coldly, standing from the bed and stalking closer to Kurogane. 

“Odd, last I checked, the quicker you died the better, in your opinion,” Kurogane says. He doesn’t know why he’s saying this, but his chest hurts and he’s not sure if it’s the _Hanahaki_ or genuine heartache but he’s angry and helpless and this is all he has left to fight with, even if he doesn’t know what he’s fighting.

“But not _yours_ , Kurogane,” Fai hisses, and he’s so close Kurogane can feel his breath ghost across his bare back. “Something’s happened and I’m not appreciating your hypocrisy.”

Fai reaches out and forces Kurogane to turn and face him, uses his anger and power – so much power, power that Kurogane has yet to see but aches to – to loom even as he lacks the height to do so. “Only room for one of those in this family?”

The movement is lightning quick and Kurogane doesn’t bother to fight it, puts more thought into controlling and quashing the impulse to fight back than protecting himself, and lets Fai drag him to the floor by the hair. “If it weren’t for the fact that I can _taste_ you on the air I would think you weren’t even the right Kurogane,” Fai spits and every word is venom. His eye has returned to icy blue, and it’s somehow worse than the vampire’s gold for its familiarity. “Now tell me what is wrong before Sakura does something about your condition herself.”

 _Ah,_ he thinks to himself, _so that’s why Fai is bothering to confront me about this._

At least Fai has a vested interest in Sakura’s well being, but it isn’t something any of them can fix. Still, he has always asked the truth of Fai, and even the thought of lying to his face has bile rising in the back of his throat. “It’s a disease called _Hanahaki_ , and I can’t cure it.”

_Only you can._

Telling Fai that would be the single greatest act of cruelty in Kurogane’s life, though, and he will not bring that guilt down to bare on either of their souls. If Fai loves him, then so be it, if he does not then Kurogane is prepared to face the natural end to this course. He only hopes he can hold out long enough to see the end of this journey, if not for his sake than for the sake of his children and his mother’s spirit. 

He watches Fai mouth the word before he’s released. Kurogane does not move to stand, stays where he is, prone on the floor where Fai put him, and watches Fai watch him. He can tell Fai wants more, but that is edging too close to how they once were, and while Kurogane yearns for those days of squandered closeness Fai is doing his best to claw them away from every corner of his memory. 

“Is it going to kill you?” he finally asks.

There is a heavy pause between them. Fai knows the answer, but he cannot report back to Sakura unless he has the confirmation and by all the gods and stars in all the heavens Kurogane does not want to give it to him, knowing where the knowledge will end up. But he does.

“Sooner or later.”

Blue flashes gold and back so quickly Kurogane thinks he might have imagined it before Fai is wrenching open the door and slamming it closed again. Not a second later Kurogane coughs wetly, producing yet more white flowers, their long petals drooping to the floor sadly. He feels like the answer to Fai’s questions might be sooner rather than later.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurogane manages to keep the chess boards clear of flowers, controls the scratching in his chest until they’re all back in their tiny apartment and he’s away from Fai and the princess. The kid and Mokona tend to stay close and he doesn’t have it in him to shoo either of them off, needing them just as much as they need him. Mokona knows about the disease and Syaoran is as polite as his counterpart and doesn’t ask, just watches Kurogane with brows knitted together in worry that Kurogane cannot sooth. 

Sakura knows, he’s sure of it, he can see it in her eyes every day. He also knows that she hasn’t told Fai and he’s surprised that she hasn’t urged him to ask Yuuko for a cure, though maybe he shouldn’t be considering the cost of such a thing. Sakura, out of all of them, would understand the most what losing a part of your heart would mean. For now, he’s left alone.

They’re all on their way back to their rooms after another match, the finals closer than ever before. Sakura is a too-light weight in Kurogane’s arms as he follows Fai and Syaoran through the halls that are darker than they have any right to be, lit with florescent bulbs that buzz unpleasantly overhead. She shifts slightly in his arms and it’s enough for him to glance down at her and find her looking up at him.

“Kurogane-san,” she says quietly, keeping her voice low enough so the others won’t hear and Kurogane falls back another few steps just in case. “How bad has it gotten?”

“There are other things for you to worry about, Princess,” is his answer and it earns him an uncharacteristic frown from the gentle girl.

She raps two knuckles against his collarbone, a sharp knock of bone against bone, and it’s such a shock he has to actively keep himself from chuckling at her chiding. He’s rubbing off on her. “We both know I know what’s happening to you,” she whispers. Her voice is all sadness. “I can’t help you, Kurogane-san. I’m so sorry.”

Kurogane holds her a little tighter. This girl is so very precious to him, to all of them, and he hates to see her hurting, as much as he knows pain is a part of life. “Keep moving forward, Princess, that’ll be enough.” She curls into him in response and then they are home. 

Syaoran has the door open and an arm full of manjuu within the same breath. Sakura’s feet hardly touch the ground and Kurogane isn’t even fully inside the door when the coughing fit takes him, forcing him down on to one knee. Petals and flowers alike fall from his mouth and the coughing racks his chest painfully. He hardly hears the worried voices of the children who rush to his side before he can wave them away over the wracking coughs. 

His throat feels raw and his chest feels like it’s filled with shattered glass, but the coughing stops. When he pulls his hand away from his mouth, though, he sees red among the white of the flowers. He quickly squeezes his fist closed and hopes there’s no blood on his face, thinking that he should be able to excuse himself to the bathroom or even his bedroom easily enough, but he doesn’t even manage to get to his feet before there’s an iron grip on his wrist, twisting and forcing his hand open.

“Do you really think you’re hiding that?” Fai hisses, dropping the stained flowers to the floor for everyone to see. Kurogane snatches his hand back and meets Fai’s glare. 

Wordlessly, Kurogane stands, checks that his face is clean of blood, and would have made for his room, but he’s stopped again. “Kurogane…” Mokona has jumped to his shoulder and is nuzzling sadly into his cheek. She knows what is happening to him, and she knows he doesn’t want the others to know – there’s nothing for Syaoran to do about it but become distracted and the knowledge would kill Fai as surely as the disease is killing Kurogane. 

“What is wrong with you?” Fai demands again sharply. “You’ve only given me half answers that are completely useless, you might as well not be saying anything.”

Kurogane is tired, he’s dying, and he’s heartbroken on top of it all, so he responds unkindly, even as he hates himself for the words the moment they leave his mouth, “Doesn’t feel so good, does it?” He hands Mokona back to Syaoran and walks away. 

He sleeps, but not for long. It takes him a moment to realize what it is that’s woken him, but then he hears it again, Yuuko’s voice. He slips out of his room, bare feet padding silently along the tiled floor, until he finds himself at Fai’s door.

“I cannot cure Kurogane of his disease without his agreement,” Yuuko says. 

“Why not?” Fai is angry. “The pair of you cured me without mine.”

“These situations are very different,” she explains. “Yours is an ongoing struggle, one I understand you are not making easy.” Kurogane takes a small, vindictive pleasure in the disappointment he hears in her voice. “To cure Kurogane would rob him of something precious to him, it’s not a price you can pay.”

Fai scoffs but seems to let that line of conversation drop. “Then tell me what’s wrong with him, more than just the name,” he says.

“You’ll have to pay for it,” Yuuko says. “Kurogane doesn’t want any of you to know, so your price will have to outweigh his desire.”

For a moment Kurogane considers interrupting them, telling Mokona to cut the call or knocking Fai a few times upside the head for going behind his back like this, but he waits, curious about what Fai’s price might be and if he would be willing to pay it just to get information about Kurogane’s condition.

“If you want to know about the _Hanahaki_ Disease affecting Kurogane you’ll have to tell him the truth about why you’re running from Celes.” Kurogane doesn’t have the time to even think about what this could all mean before Fai’s answer comes.

“No.”

Yuuko is not surprised. “Then I’ll be on my way. You know the price if you change your mind,” then she adds, “you could always just ask him nicely, you know.”

Fai snorts in response and the image of Yuuko disappears. The sounds of Mokona waking up reaches Kurogane, but he’s too late to escape. 

“Sorry to disappoint, Kurogane,” Fai says. “I’m sure you would have loved to know _all_ about me and my life.”

Kurogane enters the room. Mokona is on the bed looking worried, Fai is on his feet with his back to Kurogane. “You already know where I stand when it comes to your past,” he says. “I care about who you are now and who you’re going to be in the future.”

It takes less than a second for Fai to be in his space, practically nose to nose with him, snarling up at him. “What future are you talking about?” he growls. “I don’t need Yuuko to tell me you haven’t got long before whatever this is finally ends you.”

He isn’t wrong. He’ll either drown in the flowers and whatever is cutting him up inside or it’ll weaken him enough to get him killed in a fight. No matter how he looks at it, the clock is ticking.

“Fai don’t yell at Kurogane!” Mokona cries from the bed and Fai takes a step back, but his glare doesn’t lessen at all.

“Manjuu, go spend the night with the princess,” Kurogane says, not unkindly. “We’ll be fine.”

She doesn’t move, looking between the two men. It’s sweet that she wants to help Kurogane, protect him from Fai’s anger, but Kurogane does not need her to see the two of them fight, and they will fight, whether she’s here or not, so he shoos her off again, insistent but gentle, and she finally relents, begging them to be nice to each other, trying to remind them that they’re family and that they need each other. Kurogane’s chest tightens and he wonders how deaf Fai’s ears are to her words. 

They were once so close to being family, but now it feels like they couldn’t all be further apart. That hurts more than the tearing in his chest and throat. 

He’s not left to ruminate for long. Fai’s attention is as sharp and cold as the harshest winter winds and Kurogane can feel it before he’s even speaking.

“What was the point of _this_ ,” he spits, gesturing to himself, “if you were only going to doom us both to death anyway? You do remember that I, quite literally, cannot live without you now, don’t you?”

Kurogane frowns. “I’m not hoping to die, you should try it some time.”

His ability to watch his mouth and to think without letting his emotions run away with his tongue has been failing more and more as of late and he’s beginning to wonder if it’s a less spoken about symptom of the _Hanahaki_. A small voice tells him that it isn’t, that he’s just losing his nerve and his footing and becoming a frightened fool. 

Being slammed into the wall on the other side of the room, Fai’s golden eye burning up at him, furious and deadly and making his blood burn in his veins for more than one reason, he knows it really does not matter either way. He breathes deeply through his nose, hoping to keep himself from coughing up anymore flowers, and catches the scent of Fai and aches with how much he misses him. 

“And you’ve had the gall to call me a liar,” Fai says, face so close to Kurogane’s that he can feel Fai’s breath against his lips. “You won’t even tell us what it is that’s doing this to you, let alone stop it. What else is that but resigning yourself to death, Kurogane?”

“What would you do if you knew?” Kurogane breathes out. Even to his own ears he sounds defeated. “Save me like I saved you?”

Fai watches him. His eye still burns gold, the pupil sharp as a blade. The look is searching and Kurogane knows Fai doesn’t know what to do with this side of Kurogane, this tired man. Kurogane doesn’t know what to do with himself either, he’s never felt so weary before, so drained and exhausted. 

“Why _did_ you save me?” Fai asks. The question comes out slowly, like he doesn’t really mean to ask it but now that it’s crossed his mind he cannot help himself. “Why try so hard for me?”

“What else was I supposed to do, _Fai_?” he answers, picking up Fai’s name like a shield the same way he’s picked up Kurogane’s like a weapon. “Watch you lay there and die when I had the option to save you? Did you expect me to sit there and watch you shake and gasp and bleed until you finally went still, however long that took?”

Fear is ripping at his insides as he remembers the way Fai looked that night. It’s clawing at his throat as his leans closer to Fai, pushing off the wall just enough to give himself the footing he needs to loom over his predator. “Let the princess wake up to not only the kid gone but you as well? I couldn’t stand there and watch you suffer and die. I don’t know what kind of man you take me for if you think I could just passively let the man I-” Kurogane catches himself and snaps his mouth closed. It’s too late though and he makes a split second decision to tell a half truth before Fai can demand he continue. 

“Passively let the man I considered my best friend die without doing everything I could to save him,” he finishes, far more subdued. 

Fai’s presses him back against the wall and his eye is boring into him, but his expression is completely unreadable. Everything inside of Kurogane is twisting and ripping itself apart and he knows more flowers are coming, but worse than all of that, he can feel something burning behind his eyes. A wretched tightness that warns of tears. 

He and Fai are pressed together, chest to hip, as he looks up into Kurogane’s eyes. Kurogane can almost pretend he looks sad in the dim light of the room’s single lamp. He’s warm against Kurogane and it takes everything in him, all his lifetime of training, to keep from swaying into that heat or leaning down to kiss those lips that have caught themselves in a thoughtful almost-pout. 

It’s as he thinks that he hates how he will die without ever kissing Fai that the flowers erupt. Fai does not move back. In fact, he pushes Kurogane harder against the wall, letting the blood and flowers and petals fall around them. He keeps Kurogane standing with a forearm pressed against his chest like an iron bar and a hand in his hair. One of Kurogane’s hands finds its way to Fai’s shoulder for balance while the other flies reflexively to his mouth. 

When the fit is over Fai pushes away from Kurogane, who slides weakly down the wall, legs shaky and useless for the moment. He looks down at him, one last attempt to puzzle it all out before he seems to give up for the night. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,” he announces. “Clean those up before morning.”

Fai walks out and leaves Kurogane alone. There are two more fits before dawn. The flowers are coming out more red than white now. Getting Fai to drink is more difficult than ever.


	3. BONUS: Alternate Chapter [1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ANONYMOUS ASKED:**   
>  _I keep thinking about your hanahaki au and i just got it stuck in my head that Yuuko, like, offers Kurogane a Steal of a Deal where whatever price it will be to maybe remove the flowers will be discounted if he can take everyone one of his petals and put it in a jar she provides (bc I also can never forget kobato apparently) and so he asks for help from his family in making sue he gets all of them bc he apparently is the only one in this family who doesn't think he has to do it alone even if he doesn’t, like, tell him what hanahaki is beyond its a magical disease from nihon with complicated cures. and i make myself sad but then i make myself somewhat happier by thinking mokona would use her suction technique to catch stray ones and sakura would find, just like, random flowers and give them to him so earnestly even if they’re not always ones he coughed up but she thinks what if he coughed while i wasn’t looking for two seconds and i love her_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't an alternate chapter to any specific chapter. It's more of a "what if" that I wrote after getting the ask above. I have a few of these as well as at least one deleted scene I'll post eventually.

It seems that his family has had enough breaking and fracturing and are unwilling to chance another. Kurogane thinks that he should feel guilty for being the one to have risked bringing them all that much closer to shattering for good, but he’s exhausted and his heart hurts in more ways than he could ever have guessed were possible. He lets the princess and kid corner him in the bedroom he and Syaoran trade off in using, Mokona is perched high on Sakura’s head, Fai stands silent and dark by the door, clearly playing at guardsman to keep Kurogane at bay. He doesn’t need to bother.

Kurogane does not intend to run.

“Kurogane-san, enough is enough,” Sakura says. Her voice is tiny, but it does not falter and her shoulders are set. She meets his eyes and they are the eyes not of a child or lost little girl, but of a queen ready to ascend to her throne. “We can’t ignore whatever is wrong with you any longer, and if we can’t cure you we have to ask Yuuko-san for help.”

They both know the cure is not something that Kurogane can obtain. Kurogane still doesn’t know how Sakura found out about the details, but she understands his situation. He knows it hurts her nearly as much as it hurts him to consider removing the Hanahaki flower, to remove a piece of who Kurogane is, but apparently the pain of losing him entirely outweighs that. He can find it in himself to respect her decision, to forgive her for this single selfish decision. 

“Curing this is out of my hands, princess,” he confirms. 

Syaoran looks, shockingly, angry about it all. “I’ve never heard of this disease,” he says through clenched teeth. His hands are balled into fists and his shoulders are so tense they’re shaking. “If we ask Yuuko for help the price is going to be heavy.”

He isn’t wrong. Losing his love isn’t the price the witch is asking, it’s simply a side effect of the flower. Kurogane has no idea what else the witch will ask of him. He doesn’t want to know, but he can’t look at Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona gathered before him so worried and desperate to help him and refuse to reach out for her help. 

Kurogane reaches out and smooths down Syaoran’s messy hair absently. “Then let’s get this over with before it gets any worse,” he says. He motions for Mokona to hop onto his shoulder and waits for the image of the witch to appear. 

She’s surprised to see them, Kurogane especially. He doesn’t even need to speak for her to know why they’ve called her. 

“You’ve changed your mind about taking me up on my offer to remove the _Hanahaki_ flower, I see.” Pity is clear in her voice and eyes and it leaves a bitter taste in Kurogane’s mouth. “There will be a price to remove it, of course.”

“Of course,” is all he says in response.

“Mokona wants to help!”

“Yes,” Sakura adds, stepping up next to Kurogane. Syaoran followers her lead, telling Yuuko that he too is willing to help bear this burden. Behind them, Fai is silent, but Kurogane can feel him shift and sees Yuuko’s eyes flick over to him. 

“No,” is Yuuko’s answer, and all of them are shocked. Syaoran opens his mouth to argue before Yuuko raises her hand to quiet him. “You all wish for Kurogane to live, if you all were to make this wish it would drive the price up so much none of you would be able to pay the price,” she explains. “Kurogane has approached me for a reason, if he alone makes this wish the price will be… less.”

And so the wish is made. It feels like a death sentence of its own. 

Kurogane is given a large, glass jar. Every petal he coughs up from that moment forth he must put into the jar until it is full. If he misses even a single petal Yuuko will be unable to remove the flower, and Kurogane will be forced to ride out the _Hanahaki_ like he has been intending, but if he succeeds then she will be able to draw it out. The price is simple and amazingly low, so much so that Kurogane doesn’t need to ask if he will make it out with his love for Fai intact or not. 

Collect the petals, survive until the jar is full, give away the love he feels for Fai that is slowly killing him. How could something be such a small price and yet such a monumental price at the same time?

Days pass and the jar fills slowly. Kurogane turns to his family to help, and they answer him with determination in spades. 

Syaoran snatches up stray petals with the single minded focus that his clone would show when pursuing the princess’ feathers. Mokona uses her suction abilities far more often than strictly necessary to make sure not a single one strays where they can’t reach it. Sakura brings Kurogane his petals and, on more than one occasion, petals that are very clearly not petals that he has coughed up. She insists it’s simply to be sure she hasn’t missed anything, but when he catches her smiling at the mismatched collection of blooms sitting on the kitchen table he thinks he managed to catch on to the underlying purpose. 

Fai continues to avoid him, to address him by name, and starve himself. Kurogane forces him to drink, and nothing more. 

He tries not to think about how soon it won’t matter. He wonders if he’ll still try so hard to keep Fai alive when he’s no longer in love with him, if his sense of duty will be enough to carry them through this hardship. Will Fai be able to piece things together by how differently Kurogane acts afterwards? Will Kurogane just tell him, no longer so concerned about protecting Fai’s heart?

There’s so much unknown about what’s to come. It’s just one more thing about this journey that Kurogane doesn’t understand or have answers for, though. He’ll do what he can when the moment comes. The jar is nearly full, and he and the children have been so careful to collect every petal, and just like with that, Kurogane will not face his life after the _Hanahaki’s_ removal alone. 

– 

What he doesn’t know, is that Fai holds a single petal, waiting until Kurogane has filled the jar. It is his last ditch attempt to learn the secret cause of this mysterious disease - the petal for the information.


	4. Chapter 3

The final chess match is tomorrow and Fai has avoided drinking from Kurogane for far too long. His frustration with Kurogane keeping the details of the _Hanahaki_ a secret has strengthened his resolve to starve himself and he’s resisted the open wounds on Kurogane’s wrist for almost two weeks. The effects of the vampire’s hunger are beginning to show through, however, in clammy, too pale skin and dark circles under his eye. In their last match someone had even managed to land a would-be serious blow – Fai had been too slow to dodge completely, but he had managed to block and roll with the hit and escape most of the damage. He is beginning to falter and Kurogane- no, _none_ of them can afford that in tomorrow’s match.

So, Kurogane braces himself, slips a knife from their tiny kitchenette into the back of his pants, and prepares for a battle with far higher stakes than any of the others played out in this world. 

It’s late and everyone else has been sent off to bed. Sakura has sequestered herself away in her room alone once again (and that’s next on Kurogane’s list of things to address, the princess hiding herself and her plans away from them all) and Syaoran and Mokona have both been shooed from their dozing on the couch to a proper bed, movements slow and eyes drooping enough that Kurogane is sure they are both deeply asleep by now. Fai has no one to hide behind but himself and his words. Foes he can face without hesitation. Kurogane doesn’t knock when he enters Fai’s room. 

This would be the room they would share if things hadn’t changed so drastically. It’s about the same size as the one Kurogane and Syaoran are sharing (or are meant to be sharing, as Kurogane spends most of his nights sleeping in the common room in a chair or on the couch, too aware of how close he’s already come to losing his family to lower his guard even a little), but this room includes an en suite bathroom, which is really just a closet that has a toilet and sink in it. They gave Fai the room in hopes the extra afforded privacy would help his mood, which had steadily soured towards the group as a whole and not just towards Kurogane. Sakura seems to be the only one spared.

“Are we going to have to do this every night, Kurogane?” Fai’s voice comes from the bathroom. Kurogane can tell he is aiming for bored, but his irritation bleeds through clearly. Kurogane closes the door behind him with an echoing click and takes a few steps into the room. 

He doesn’t go all the way in, he can tell Fai has become territorial with the vampire blood, and the closer to starvation he is the worse the instincts get. Plus, Kurogane doesn’t feel as though he’s allowed in Fai’s space any more. There’s a clear barrier now where before there was only a quickly fading line that they both danced over often. 

Fai eventually steps into view, scowling like he almost always is when they’re alone together. Kurogane never thought he would miss the airheaded, playful smiles so much, but by the heavens he misses them like a limb. 

“Your wrists look like they hurt,” Fai says, glancing down at the many unhealed cuts on Kurogane’s wrists. The wounds don’t close up cleanly or quickly if Fai doesn’t drink from them, they just sit there like any other cut. He’s had far worse and they’ll do little to distract r slow him down, but he would be a liar is he said they didn’t sting something fierce. Kurogane isn’t here to talk about his wrists, though. They clearly aren’t enough to force Fai’s hand any longer.

He shrugs, a sarcastic roll of one tense shoulder. “They’ll heal, scar over like all the other cuts I’ve managed to get in my life. They aren’t what I’m worried about,” he says pointedly. Fai scoffs, folds his arms and sits on the edge of his bed and waits, as if there’s a show about to begin, and one he’s unfond of but has still seen a thousand times before for lack of anything else to watch.

Kurogane tries, just once more, to tempt Fai with his wrist. He uses his nail to open the cut he made last night. It’s easy to get it bleeding again and within seconds blood is oozing steadily down his arm. He half expects Fai to give an exaggerated yawn in response, but Kurogane knows even this is difficult to resist, and Fai’s breathing is shallow as to keep from tasting the blood on the air. 

With a sigh Kurogane moves to plan B. “Fine, I didn’t want to force you like this but if you don’t want to cooperate you’ve left me with no choice.”

He can see Fai’s mouth open to snap a retort, but he never gets the chance to speak before Kurogane pulls the knife out and brings it to his throat. They both know that the wounds Fai drinks from heal faster. Kurogane is willing to bet his life that Fai will not let him die - will not let them both die and leave Sakura and Syaoran alone. Fai is an idiot and a bastard and a hundred other unsavory things, but he is _not_ a monster. He loves those children too much to leave them abandoned for the sake of his pride and wrath.

And to a point, Kurogane is correct. 

Fai does not let Kurogane die, but he does not drink from the gash in Kurogane’s neck - because one is never made. 

It happens fast, technically, but both of them are tired and far from their fittest. Fai knocks the knife from Kurogane’s hand and kicks his feet out from under him. He hears the knife clatter against the wall, well out of reach, and only just manages to catch himself and stop his head from slamming against the floor. He doesn’t even have the time to try and push himself up when he feels Fai’s foot pressing down on his chest, more an order than anything else to stay put. 

“What the _fuck_ was that?” Fai chokes. Kurogane can hear the barely control shriek fighting to rip free. “Have you lost _your mind_?”

 _Probably_ , is the first thing to occur to Kurogane, but for once in these last handful of weeks he manages to hold his tongue. What is does say is “If you would just drink I wouldn’t have to keep pushing like this!”

Fai’s mouth is a thin, tight line as he looks down at Kurogane. His eye is still wide and frantic, scared. Kurogane looks for the sting of insult he expects to feel but finds nothing. The two of them are so lost and broken he doesn’t know who either of them are anymore, he realizes. He wonders idly if there will ever be any fixing this, even if he doesn’t die. 

“You’re coughing up flowers and blood, your breath is raspy on a good day, shallow and wheezing on bad ones,” Fai says. “The last thing we need is to weaken you further by having some parasite leeching off of you.”

Kurogane’s heart aches painfully when Fai refers to himself as a parasite, and not for the first time he quietly wishes there had been some other option for saving Fai. What’s done is done, though, and Kurogane is not a man who lives in the past. “If you fed regularly you wouldn’t need to drink so much at once,” he points out. “I’d be fine by morning, or sooner.”

“I still don’t understand your insistence about keeping me alive,” Fai whispers sadly. He moves down and straddles Kurogane’s torso, he weighs almost as little as the princess it feels. It sets worry swooping in Kurogane’s stomach. “I’m a liability, you gain nothing by forcing me to keep living.”

 _Gods this man is thick,_ Kurogane thinks. What he says is instead, “I gain _you_ , you idiot. I gain the children not having to mourn the loss of another loved one. You can’t possibly think you’re really so disposable.” 

Even as Kurogane says it, though, he knows that Fai can, and probably does, believe just that, and heavens and hell help the souls who made him think so lowly of himself if Kurogane is ever able to come face to face with them because there will be retribution to pay like no other. He knows at least one lives, the king Fai is fleeing from, and even if he only had some small part in Fai’s deep well of self loathing Kurogane will make the monarch pay for every drop he poured into it. 

Above him, Fai speaks. “Whether or not I think I’m disposable, you certainly are not, especially now that you’re worth two of us,” he adds an uncharacteristic sneer onto the last bit of his statement. “I’m not drinking until this problem is dealt with, or at least until I know why you’re dying.”

There is a terrifying, ice cold defiance in Fai’s single blue eye when it meets Kurogane’s gaze, and Kurogane tastes defeat in that moment. The battle of wills is lost, because while he _might_ kill Fai with the truth about the _Hanahaki_ he will most definitely see him die to starvation one way or another if he continues to hide. He knows when Fai sees Kurogane concede, he can see the bone deep shock skitter across fair features before being smothered and hidden away.

“Fine,” Kurogane agrees. “Drink, tonight and every night you are hungry, no more starving yourself. I’ll tell you about the _Hanahaki_ after tomorrow’s match.”

Fai’s interest flashes to irritation in a second. “No, I’m not drinking a drop until you tell me the truth!” He bends down, inching closer to Kurogane, expression thunderous. “I’m not going to be played so easily.”

There’s not enough ire left in Kurogane at the moment to feel insulted. He’s too tired. He turns his head to cough, several whole flowers coated entirely in blood fly from his mouth, and Fai’s eye is gold by the time he looks back. “When have I ever lied to you, Fai?” He waits, knowing Fai won’t have an answer, before continuing. “We need to be at our best tomorrow, you can’t have this on your mind during the fights. I swear, after the match, I’ll tell you everything.”

He lets Fai search his face for any dishonesty, positive that his expression is, while tired and probably obviously heartbroken to almost anyone, open. Convinced, at least, that he’s not being put on, Fai nods curtly. “On one condition,” he snaps with a tone that there will be no more bartering. “When you do tell me, I get to decide how we fix this problem.”

It’s too easy to imagine Fai demanding they call Yuuko and wishing away the flower and the love, possibly even wishing away Fai’s knowledge of the whole ordeal in order to keep them all moving forward. He can practically see the shocked and horrified look on Fai’s face when Kurogane confesses not only his love, but that his love for Fai is exactly what is killing him in such a slow and torturous manner. The guilt, the anger, the tears even - so easy to imagine. What he can’t even begin to imagine is what it would be like to no longer love Fai. 

Still… better Fai live and Kurogane be without this love he holds so dear than the both of them die the slow, drawn out deaths they’ve been courting. 

Heart breaking further Kurogane agrees. Satisfied with both Kurogane’s promise and honesty, Fai drinks.

Fangs pierce Kurogane’s neck, fast and unexpected. It’s all he can do to keep from screaming - in pain, in ecstasy, he’s not sure. One of Fai’s hands is on his shoulder, the other is in his hair, keeping his head tilted at the angle he wants it. On instinct Kurogane buries one hand in Fai’s hair while the other scrambles uselessly to find nonexistent purchase on the floor. 

He feels Fai suck once, long and slow, and then his tongue is lapping at the fresh wound excitedly. His mouth is burning, a brand against Kurogane’s skin and all of a sudden Fai is a very solid, clear weight on his torso, one Kurogane is helpless but to arch into as Fai feeds. The combination of sharp pain and soft, wet heat pulls a moan from Kurogane and he feels his face heat with shame and embarrassment because he _feels_ Fai take note of the noise. 

On top of him, Fai adjusts the way he’s sitting, not once taking his mouth off of Kurogane’s neck, and slides a thigh between Kurogane’s legs. When he rolls up, pressing into Kurogane and finding him nearly fully hard and earning another barely choked off moan Fai huffs out something that might dream of being a laugh. He cleans the bite with a few quick, almost clinical licks, and pulls away only far enough to meet Kurogane’s eyes.

“How long have you been hiding this from me?” he asks, voice low and satisfied. Oddly enough, he doesn’t sound angry, just darkly amused - the closest to his old teasing tone he’s been in months. 

Kurogane turns his burning face away. Fai will have the answer to that question tomorrow as well. 

He doesn’t pry. Fai stands, humming thoughtfully. Kurogane can feel his eye watching him. “I’m going to finish cleaning up,” he says. “Go eat, and make sure it’s got fruit. It’s good for you.”

The dismissal is clear, and Kurogane wastes no time clearing out. He makes another serving of the dinner they had earlier from leftovers, and because he feels as if Fai will somehow know if he disobeys, he eats an apple before rinsing off his neck and getting a few hours of light sleep on the couch. 

– 

There had been no dishonesty when Kurogane had agreed to tell Fai about the _Hanahaki_ Disease after their final match, but there had also been no indication that Fai had been cursed and that the curse would result in him nearly killing Sakura. 

The promise goes temporarily forgotten in the aftermath of their family’s latest tragedy. 

They speak to Yuuko, to the mob boss who had offered the feather as a prize in his little chess games, and they prepare to leave. They prepare to go to Celes. 

Fai is scared, Kurogane can practically taste it on the air, but his hands are steady when he enchants Souhi and hides it inside Kurogane’s arm. The magic tingles, itches under his skin a bit before settling deep in his bones with a sensation like a chilly winter morning. It’s not unpleasant and it’s so different than when Syaoran had used Fai’s magic to attack them in Tokyo. He can’t help but wonder how many different sensations it could bring. 

Celes is sharp and frozen and empty. So, so empty. The magic in the air is distracting, even for Kurogane, but as they draw closer to the castle he can finally sense life, just like Fai had said. One is faint, a delicate candle flickering in the stormy blizzard winds, the other is strong and vibrant. It’s a calm sort of aura on the very surface, but with just a little focus Kurogane can sense the chaos whirling within. They’re in danger.

The corpses littering the castle halls and blood frozen to the wall and pooled on the floors only confirm Kurogane’s gut instincts and raise a new question. What had Fai escaped from?

They are greeted by the king and the animated corpse of a small boy, and soon Kurogane has all the answers he’s ever wanted and more. 

He sees red, sees through the king’s con, sees Fai’s suffering and pain and the reasons for all the foolish things he’s done. He sees a boy long dead and a man who has never truly lived and two more reasons to kill that bastard Reed. 

He sees Fai cry when he destroys the false corpse. 

Ashura watches with a subdued interest as Kurogane strips away his lies. He moves away from Fai, ignores the bloody flowers that were coughed up when they fought as well as the new bout he cannot fight back as he faces the king. Fai is worth sacrificing some strength for. 

“Impressive that you’re still so capable a fighter if you’re coughing up whole flowers,” Ashura comments, eyeing the blossoms at Kurogane’s feet. “Usually when things advance this far the victims are bedridden.”

Suddenly, the air is colder than ever before. 

“This disease… it exists in Celes?” Fai croaks from behind Kurogane.

Ashura doesn’t dare take his eyes off Kurogane, but he answers Fai. “Yes, though I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of it. You wouldn’t have gotten into those advanced medical texts before giving up on healing magic.”

“Shut up,” Kurogane demands. He needs to kill this mad king. He needs to save Sakura, save his whole family, and keep Fai from breaking any further than he already has. He’s being held together by strings, the truth about the _Hanahaki_ would surely snap the last of them right now. 

Ashura’s full attention is on him again and Kurogane should charge, should attack, but he’s frozen in place by something he can’t name. “You haven’t told Fai about your disease, young man?”

He swears Ashura must have cast some sort of spell without Kurogane’s knowledge somehow, but he cannot think of when. He keeps telling himself to move and failing. “It’s not his business!” Shouting is all he can do. 

Smiling, Ashura finally looks past Kurogane and to Fai. “I believe it very much is,” he says. “Tell me, what do you call it?”

“ _Hanahaki_ ,” Fai answers, voice trembling, heart too weak to stand up against his king. 

Nodding solemnly, Ashura asks, “Have you heard of Mourning Lung, Fai?” There is no verbal answer, but when Ashura continues Kurogane is forced to assume Fai answer no. “It’s a rare disease that affects those who are so desperately in love with someone who does not return that love, so much so that their despair plants a seed in their heart, which slowly consumes them.”

“ENOUGH!” Kurogane finally manages to overcome whatever it was that was holding him back, but it’s too late, even if he had managed to drown out the last few words of Ashura’s explanation Fai knows now. 

He knows and Kurogane cannot look at him.

It’s a blur for a while, a mix of movement and blackness. Kurogane tries to kill Ashura, but weakened and mind muddled as he is, Kurogane is hit. It would be so easy to die, he’s close, he can feel it. His breathing is shallow and shaking in ways that have nothing to do with the _Hanahaki_. The stone floor is cold and jagged with rubble and every part of him is in pain. 

But he hears Fai screaming, he hears Fai _fighting_. 

He cannot die. They need him, all of them do. He has people to protect, a home to return to, family to avenge, and an all to smug princess to keep a promise to. He cannot die. He _will not_ die. Not here, in this world that is not his or even Fai’s home. 

His body shakes when he pulls his sword free from Ashura’s chest. He forces himself to look at Fai grieve for the closest thing he’s ever known to a parent, to safety and love. He thinks they are going to be okay, with time.

Again, he does not know Fai is cursed. And neither does Fai.

On instinct, he moves in closer to Fai, grabs his wrist as he prepares to jump worlds. He can’t chance them being separated, not in the states they’re in. Fai uses his magic (magic that Kurogane is amazed by, captivated by, and gods know he wants to see more of it one day, what it can do, all it can do) to free Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona. He then turns his magic on Kurogane, but it’s not enough. 

It never would have been enough, because it would only have freed Kurogane. 

Above them there is more magic still, Syaoran’s doing no doubt, and Kurogane is outside of the sphere of Fai’s curse, all but the hand that refuses to let go. 

“Stop it!” Fai cries from one side of the curse. “Let me go!”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, idiot of a man. “No! Gods, don’t you get it yet? I’m not letting you go! Not ever!”

Amazingly, Fai does seem to get it, some part of it. He shakes his head and for a second there is a small smile. “I can’t escape, you have to let go! I’m killing you as it is! Love for a dead man can’t kill you! Please!” Fai is begging, but he is resigned, and with a steadying breath he looks Kurogane in the eye. “Go!”

It’s the strangest thing, always will be, even when he looks back on it years in the future. It’s all like a dream from then on. He knows what he has to do, hears it all but spelled out for him, and then his arm and Souhi are tossed aside without remorse and Fai is in his remaining arm.

_–if you wish for it… with all your heart –_

“… never…” Kurogane manages, watching the horror play across Fai’s face. 

His vision is fading and the familiar feeling of Mokona transporting them is overtaking him, but before everything goes black he feels Fai’s hands on either side of his face and he hears one more frantic plea.

“Don’t leave me, please. Please don’t leave me!”

The next breath Kurogane takes is shallow, but clear.


	5. Chapter 4 (The End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane wakes in Nihon, his breathing clear and his future promising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I guess you could call the "true ending" of this fic. I do have an alternate ending planned as well as at least one other bonus chapter which is like a deleted scene/alternate scene that I rewrote because it felt too out of place in the fic. So the story is over, technically, but there are some extras coming. I'll be marking this finished once I post the alternate ending.

It had been months since Kurogane had felt so at peace.

He is in incredible pain – the part of his shoulder where he had cut through muscle and bone to sever his arm in order to rescue Fai aches and burns, the whole side of his torso where that insane king had managed to blast him with attack magic rages between stabbing ice and tearing electric shocks. On top of all of that his body feels like one whole bruise and even without moving he can tell he will be weak and stiff, and among all of that are a hundred stinging cuts and scrapes that cry out for an application of soothing balm.

He can breathe clearly, though, and the air he tastes is terribly familiar.

Tomoyo is the second thing he sees when he opens his eyes to the familiar ceiling of Shirasagi Castle’s private medical wing. She is sat by him, eyes soft and voice warm as she welcomes him home. It is what he has been looking for, what this entire, insane, ridiculous journey has been all leading towards. He is finally back at his princess’ side.

Without the _Hanahaki_ tearing him open from the inside he can feel the full pain of the realization that it isn’t all he needs anymore.

The way that Tomoyo speaks to him, though, makes him think that she knows this already, that she expects him to remain by the sides of those he had arrived with. Part of him feels like a traitor. He had sworn an oath, he has a duty, but if Tomoyo gave her blessing is he really breaking his oath? She is, afterall, the one who sent him off in the first place. 

This is entirely her fault. 

Which reminds Kurogane of something he wants to ask her, now that he can. 

“I see you’ve finally learned the true meaning of strength,” Tomoyo says proudly. She touches the empty sleeve at his side gently, her small hand brushing the fabric with only her fingertips. Her hand falls back to her lap as she speaks again. “And that the condition the others were concerned about has cleared up as well.” 

He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that Syaoran and Fai brought up the _Hanahaki_ to Tomoyo and the medics. In the end, he agrees with their choice. 

“Speaking of that,” he says. “Did you know this would happen?” He does not insult her by accusing her of anything. The question is what it is; a question. “Is that why you always made me read that fairytale to you?” 

Her smile is rueful for a moment, and then she shakes her head. “I didn’t know this would happen,” she clarifies. “But I knew you were someone who was particularly susceptible to the _Hanahaki_ Disease, I needed a way to prepare you, just in case you ever came down with it.” 

That is not at all the answer he expects, and it must show on his face when Tomoyo continues without prompting. 

“The _Hanahaki_ Disease is an illness that is born of the heart, and those who feel deeply and fiercely are more likely to fall victim to it than those with shallower emotions,” she says, looking up at Kurogane, who feels his jaw slacken slightly. “You have always been someone who deals in extremes, Kurogane, and I knew you would one day leave my side to go on a journey. I had no idea if you would find love on this journey, let alone if that love would be returned or not. I did what I could.” 

There is a pang in his chest, one of gratitude and love. It is bittersweet and leaves a dull ache, but it is by no means a bad feeling. It takes a few seconds, but Kurogane does manage to smile, small but heartfelt, and thank Tomoyo. It’s probably the first time he’s thanked her since they were children. He will have to be better about that. 

Tomoyo looks happy and proud, there’s a twinkle in her eyes that reminds Kurogane of his mother and when he catches sight of it he doesn’t immediately turn away. He thinks this might be what healing is. It’s a good feeling. 

Then, she turns towards the screen door and the rest of the world comes into focus for Kurogane in a snap. “Thank you for waiting, you may come in now.” 

How he had failed to sense anything outside of his room is beyond him, but that he didn’t sense Fai standing just on the other side of that thin paper door sends his mind spinning. He nearly panics, his instincts calling for him to rise and double- no triple check the perimeter. His body is unable to meet those demands, but his mind feels as if it may force obedience regardless. 

It doesn’t have the chance, though, because Fai is there, whole and alive and wearing a beautiful furisode that Tomoyo no doubt fashioned specifically for him. His hair reflects the warm light of the candles in the corner of the room and the cool moonlight that pours into the room from the open veranda doors where it falls into his face, hiding his one good eye and most of the eyepatch from view. He is breathtaking and Kurogane can feel his pulse quicken with each measured step Fai takes towards him. 

He schools his features, waits for several seconds to see if Fai will speak first, and when only silence meets his ears Kurogane says the only thing he can think to, “Hey.” 

He is hit soundly on the side of his head, probably the only thing left undamaged from their latest near death adventure, and taken so off guard and so off balance that he finds himself tumbling backwards into the frame of the _shoji_. He blinks up in confusion and surprise, but before he can demand any explanations he sees it. 

Fai is smiling, fist still held up and eye shining with… Kurogane doesn’t know what. He has never seen that look on Fai before, but it’s one he likes. “That’s payback, Kuro-sama.” 

If the _Hanahaki_ had not already cleared itself from his lungs it would have at that point. Kurogane’s heart is soaring as he grins up at Fai and promises to kick his ass, the exchange familiar and new all at the same time. He notices Tomoyo take her leave without a word, and is thankful once more. He needs this time with Fai. There is a lot to be said. 

And yet they sit together in silence for what could have been days, but what Kurogane knows is probably just shy of an hour. Fai helps him wordlessly to the veranda, eases him down to sit and look out into the familiar sky Kurogane has known all his life, and tucks himself close to the side that is now missing an arm. Even through their clothes and the bandage wrappings, Kurogane can feel the warmth of Fai. He’s hyper aware of their proximity now after so long of having distance forced between them. 

The feeling is nice, and the silence isn’t uncomfortable even as it is humming with words unspoken between them. Kurogane knows they should talk, that they need to, but he’s stubbornly unwilling to release this delicate peace he’s been granted. He realizes that he’s worried it will all shatter and be taken away from him again. 

So when it’s Fai who finally speaks it’s both a relief and a shock. 

“The children are okay,” he says. “More or less.” 

Kurogane is glad to hear as much from Fai, but he’s not surprised by the news. He hadn’t been worried over the fate of Syaoran or Sakura, if something had happened to either of them Tomoyo would have made sure to tell him, she wouldn’t have been able to hide it from him. Still, he thanks Fai for the news. 

“Tomoyo-chan fussed quite a lot over Sakura-chan, I suppose that might be something that will always be,” he continues. He’s avoiding the true topic at hand, but Kurogane can’t be mad, he’s not doing any better himself. “Everyone’s more or less healed up, except you.” 

Fai leans ever so slightly more into Kurogane’s side and Kurogane feels his heart rate pick up. Fai must hear it, the vampire ever tuned in to him, because he leans back almost immediately, an apology half formed on his lips. 

Kurogane cuts it off. “Don’t,” he says. Don’t apologize, don’t run away anymore. Don’t put anymore distance between us. He reaches over awkwardly with his single hand and pulls Fai back to him. “It’s okay.” 

And it is. It’s all okay. It’s all out in the open now and it’s okay. Or it will be. 

“Kuro-sama I-” 

“How do you want to be called now?” Kurogane asks, unable to stomach any sort of apology from Fai. He would be a liar if he said he hasn’t been thinking about it either. “The same or with your proper name?” 

Fai can only stare at him for what feels like ages. Eventually he snaps out of his stupor and shakes his head. “Is that it? That’s all you have to say?” He doesn’t sound angry. Perhaps incredulous. “After everything you saw, everything you learned, you ask me which name I want to use?” 

Kurogane shrugs his uninjured shoulder, the movement awkward for it’s false nonchalance. “I think it’s an important question.” And he does. One’s name is a sacred thing, especially in Nihon. And this man beside him has not used his own birth given name in lifetimes. 

“Fai. It’s all I have left of him,” he says, gazing out into the starry night sky. “If I use his name, some part of him still gets to live on.” 

Kurogane nods and hums his approval. A good answer and a fine reason. He would have accepted anything Fai told him, but this decision sits well with him easily. 

“Now it’s my turn for a question,” Fai says with little preamble. He’s still looking into the stars. “When we arrived we warned the medics and healers about the _Hanahaki_ , but they said it was nowhere to be seen. How can that be?” 

It is impossible to tell if Fai had asked Tomoyo about this and had been denied an answer or if he had been agonizing over this question silently while Kurogane slept, but either way, Kurogane is glad to have an answer to give him, especially since he technically owes him one as it is. 

“Because the condition to cure it was applied,” he answers. He waits for Fai to meet his eyes before he explains. “Only three things rid a person of _Hanahaki_ ; death, the removal of the flower and the sufferer’s love, or the reciprocation of that love.” 

Fai’s eye is wide and shimmering with unshed tears. He opens and closes his mouth a few times in false starts until he can finally speak. “But I… I never got the chance to say…” 

“When the manjuu was transporting us out of Celes,” Kurogane says. “You said ‘please don’t leave me’ remember?” Fai nods quietly, clearly not understanding. “I knew then. After everything I had seen and everything I knew about you, you never would have said that to me if you didn’t love me as well.” 

Love is selfish, and it was that knowledge and the following realization that cleared Kurogane’s heart and lungs of the cursed flower back then. The first clear breath of air had been icy and painful in a way that Kurogane was familiar with for reasons other than heartbreak. He watches Fai absorb what he’s been told and ignores the burning in his cheeks. It’s not an easy thing to speak so frankly about his emotions, he’s not used to it and the words feel clumsy no matter how honest they are. But this is honesty Fai deserves, honesty Kurogane has wanted to give him for too long. It’s the least of the things Kurogane wants to give Fai. 

The honesty seems to be enough, though, because Fai reaches up a hand to cup Kurogane’s cheek. He’s smiling and a few tears have fallen from his eye, but there’s no sadness in that beautiful, loved face, and Kurogane thanks every star in the sky for that blessing. 

“You _stupid_ , stubborn, wonderful man,” Fai says through a mix between a sob and a chuckle. “You could have died, and for what? To be in love with me!” 

Fai is all but in his lap without warning, keeping balance for them both as he kisses Kurogane. It’s gentle and he can feel the tears on Fai’s cheek, but it’s perfect and Kurogane could happily spend the rest of eternity doing nothing else, forever in this moment with this man. But Fai pulls away all too soon and between one breath and the next Kurogane finds himself unable to suppress a yawn. 

Smiling playfully, Fai taps Kurogane on the nose. “Big Puppy is still recovering, he needs his rest and to take it easy or he’ll open up the stitches the healers worked so hard on.” Fai slides easily to his feet and helps Kurogane up. “Last thing we need is for you to go and bleed to death on us now.” 

Ahh, speaking of… 

“Mage, when did you last drink?” Kurogane asks as he slides the outer door shut with a soft click. 

At first Fai freezes, reflex mostly Kurogane is sure. He watches it fade away, hears the low hiss of a breath that Fai releases, measured and purposeful. 

“When we arrived,” he says. “There was plenty of your blood already outside of you, I took advantage at Syaoran-kun and Tomoyo-chan’s insistence.” 

“How long was I asleep?” Kurogane asks. Fai doesn’t answer, but the lack of response is answer enough. “Mage,” he says warningly. “Don’t make this continue to be difficult.” 

“You’re still healing,” Fai says, and there is icy steel in his tone. He’s trying not to be unkind, trying to keep away from how things have been for the last couple of months, but he cannot fight Kurogane about this without real barbs. 

Even so, Kurogane still fights a little dirty. All the better to quicken the pace and bring an end to this nonsense. “I’ll worry if you don’t.” 

That gets Fai to turn on his heel, blue eye blazing. He knows that Kurogane has gone for the kill and he looks just a touch betrayed, but he takes in Kurogane, standing before him, open and honest and now knowingly in love and the change in his body language is obvious. 

“Only a little.” 

“So long as you aren’t skulking around starving yourself,” Kurogane concedes. He’ll accept this compromise for now. He’s tired and this regained closeness is too precious to test with a proper argument just yet. 

“Get in bed,” Fai commands with what can only be described as a pout. “You’re already tired, I’ll bet you knock out after I take a mouthful.” 

Kurogane rolls his eyes, but obeys nonetheless, slipping under the sheets of his futon with weakened limbs. He can tell that it will take weeks for him to be back to normal again and he’s already impatient at the thought. There’s too much to do, he hasn’t got the time or the luxury to slow them all down with his healing. But he does have tonight, and he has Fai, so he lets the frustration pass from his mind as Fai extinguishes the oil lamp on the far side of the room. 

“Are you going to stay?” Kurogane asks. It’s easy to watch Fai move towards him in the shadows. The moon outside is bright and it’s gentle glow highlights Fai’s fair features beautifully. It also makes it easy to see the surprise flit across his face before a smile, soft and genuine, settles on his lips. 

“For as long as I’m wanted,” he says, adjusting the folds of the unfamiliar clothing awkwardly as he lowers himself onto Kurogane’s lap. It’s a graceless motion, but Fai is careful to ease himself into Kurogane’s space and avoid causing any pain to his plethora of injuries. 

Kurogane reaches up and runs his fingers through golden strands of unruly hair. “I’m always going to want you,” he says, exhaustion and unbridled joy at finally being able to be with Fai like this ruining any brain to mouth filter he had. “I thought I’d made that clear.” 

Fai laughs quietly, chiding and playful all at once. “You have,” he says, “I finally understand now.” 

There is still a dangerous road ahead of them. A monster is lurking at the end of the road and they have little choice but to face him, but this time they will face him as one. No more are they frightened, confused children fearing shadows and uncertainties. They aren’t alone, and they have something to fight for, something tangible and real. They have their children, they have each other. 

Tonight they will rest, wrap themselves in one another and find comfort in softer, kinder things. Tomorrow is another day, and it will wait for just a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments! They really helped me keep writing and each one I read makes my whole day. You guys are absolute stars!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to listen to _Hanahaki Unending_ floateron has began creating a PodFic for this fic, like the creature of pure light and beauty they are. [Follow this link to the PodFic. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710994/chapters/41782193)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Hanahaki Unending](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710994) by [floateron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/floateron/pseuds/floateron)




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